Wednesday, January 18, 2006

My Dad Has Just Called...

... to say that he's coming back to Singapore on the 25th of January from Taiwan for a short holiday, together with my grandmother who's coming back from the UK to join him here.

*sigh* I do have mixed feelings about this.

It's funny. Perhaps children can sense something... After I broke the news to her while I was driving home after picking her up from school, she kept quiet.. and then said :

"Daddy, so funny. Your daddy and your grandmother were away for soooo long. Until you are an A-D-U-L-T already. So funny, right?"

Right. Exactly how I feel. Amazing how even a 5 year old can work that out.

About 15 years ago, my grandmother was on a trip to Singapore and she tried to "reconnect", after years of not being in contact. "We are family", she tells me.... and all that "blood-is-thicker-than-water" litany

Right....

Now that's I'm all grown up, have my own career, no hassles involved... she wants to "reconnect"

"It's too late", I remember telling her then, "you were not around when I was growing up. It's really hard now"...

It's same for my dad too... a product of a broken family many times over. He calls when he needs help. He calls when he wants to "chat". He was never around when I was growing up.

Now, many years on, the fact remains : "It's too late", all of you, "IT'S TOO BLOODY LATE!"

And so, why am I having mixed feeling? Because deep inside me, I too, want to mend it and make it good again.

I just don't know.

*shrug*

3 Comments:

Blogger boo said...

its never too late for family. go on reach out no fears no mixed feelings no second thoughts no 'what if's'. think about if it was u on the other side, wouldn't u like a second/third/fourth chance? projectbetterman no? my best thoughts to u & yours :)

11:54 pm  
Blogger hugewhaleshark said...

dude, man. i have no words of wisdom for you. i just hope that you can find your way.

7:06 am  
Blogger trisha said...

You have the answer already : "my dad...a product of a broken family many times over".

You can now break the cycle, and start to mend what has been broken in your family over the few generations. The healing can now start with you.

All the best! :)

9:53 am  

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