Thursday, November 24, 2005

The sucky thing about making decisions

It's been a while.. it's like that with us ADHD folks :o)

Have been doing tons of research about this condition. Actuall got into a minor depression.. thinking about how life would have been had I not had this. Thoughts about the "what-if's".

I've more or less snapped out of it... and have begun coming up with strategies about how to deal with it.

It seems people with ADHD have difficulty completing projects.. hence, the "marathon project", the "inline skating project", and countless others. I'm still keen to do these though, although I now have to set really S-H-O-R-T time targets, such as a week. Well, this is the advice my doctor prescribed me.

Another topic on my mind is the fact that I've never really been able to sustain any real weight loss... be it through exercise, through diet choices. *shrug*

A fellow I met last week took one look at me and exhuberantly proclaimed "Bro.. you must go for Lap Banding!!!" Guaranteed will work for you one! Seems this chap lost 25 kgs in 6 months... "all without exercise!". All through this exhuberance, his assistant was gesticulating from the side... "no .. no.. don't do it... wait you eat that time sure kenna choke wan"..

So.. on the one hand, if I don't do this, I'm having hell of a time trying to lose weight.. difficulties in controlling my food choices.. exercising.. and yet if I don't, I run the real risk of having a heart attack and dying before I'm 50. If I do go ahead with this un-natural procedure, I'll probably end up choking on my meals (in the beginning at least), forcing me to make proper food choices and resulting in me losing really significant weight for the first time in my life...

Thing is, I'm really torn about having the procedure done. I love my food. I love the process of thinking what to cook, of going marketing to choose the ingredients, of the actual food preparation, of the wonderful smells wafting through the kitchen and the whole house. Damn. I do love my food.... and I have such a wonderful emotional attachment to my food.

I have to make a decision either way. Don't do it.. and I've got to find a way of whipping myself... Do it... and live with the emotional breakup with my food...

It sucks.


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